she holds my heart

Ecai is growing up, she's putting on weight and adding on length. She's wiggly and cooes and ahhs and demands to be held all the time, which of course, stresses me out. It's tiring specially when she wakes up every two hrs for milk, then have to burp her and dance her to sleep again. I am not complaining, just sharing. No right to complain specially when I have all the help of my mother and mother in law. wink wink. Can't wait for my baby to grow up. We can do things together like scrapbooking, I'm not selfish so I can share my supplies as long as she can share hers. Ha ha ha. But will we share the same interests? Hope so, besides, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Finally had the time to finish a digi layout. I have started this one like, saturday and only finished it now, a wednesday. Whoa, 4 days... aw.

and if the shoe doesn't fit?

The transition is not easy. Deciding to stay at home and be a mum is a breeze but standing by it and doing the chores is a roller coaster ride. My back aches, my legs and shoulder blades feel sore, and I cannot do any of my hobbies at all, no scrapbooking, no digiscrapbooking either, no learning photography, no cross stitching, and no time to start beading. No free time, most meals I do not enjoy, bath time is a rush, and sleeping soundly is currently just a thought. Office work sounds like a vacation. Whining and complaining.

When she cries and screams at me, oh well, yeah she does scream at me and she is only two months old, I feel like giving up and just sleep the crying off. But the first time that she looked at me and smiled after I said hi to her, wow, that would be something to really look forward to. How could I forget the reason why I quit my job? I resigned just to let my daughter feel that I will be there for her. Of course working moms won't agree, but for me, I want my daughter to look for me when she cries, go to me when she has some stories to tell, chooses to spend her spare time with me, and delight in my presence. And for me this all starts asap. How can I stop her cries if I do not understand what hurts and upsets her? How can we share stories if I lose the time to listen to her? How can we enjoy spending time together if we have outgrown each other? How can she delight in my presence if she already feels I won't make any difference at all? So I am a SAHM. I am very lucky that I have a husband who supports what I want. And very blessed that he wants it too.

So now that she is two months, she stays close when I cuddle her at night. And she sleeps on top of me, contentedly. She falls back to sleep when she hears my humming, well sometimes. She amazes me. For now, I am okay with a few minutes for all (with stress) of my hobbies.

And if the shoe doesn't fit? I'll try on a pair of sneakers or flip flops. Or I can walk motherhood with bare feet. All with God's grace.

Cheers to all moms and moms-to-be!

it has been 3 weeks

and forever with regards to blogging.

well, it was 3 weeks since i gave birth! the experience was not quite what i expected it to be. i thought it would be easy... just push, 1...2...3, deep breath, etc and baby will be out. it was so different for me.

on may 07 at 7am, i woke up feeling i needed to pee. but as i sat up, i felt i couldn't hold it much longer, and when i stood up, water trickled. i told my inay, i think i wet the bed, but she told me, take a bath and go call your doctor. i called the doctor and told her that i am not sure if it was my water bag that broke. she told me to go to the hospital and she'll meet me at the delivery room. at 8am, i was changing to a hospital gown not believing that i am about to give birth. i was only 1 cm dilated but since my water bag broke and that means i was prone to infection, i was not allowed to go out of the room anymore. some pregnant ladies in the delivery room were already 4cm but they can choose to leave if they wanted to. iv was administered and a medicine that would help me dilate. not sure of the time, but they have to inject magnesium sulfate because my blood pressure was getting high, one thru iv, and 20cc to be injected on each butt cheek. aw. the one thru the iv was really hot. resident doctors maximized the aircon, but i felt hot with fever, my palms were hot, my feet, my back... but the injections were worse. i do not dream of having butt augmentation anymore! butt was sore, felt like i underwent fraternity initiation and was paddled on my butt big time. doctors asked me if my contractions were painful, i said no, my butt is.

at 5cm, still not much pain, can still smile. but hey, i cried for epidural! anesthesiologist was stuck in traffic... know why? typhoon emong hits manila! aw. right after epi, ie was at 9cm! i have every right to claim that i endured the pain upto 9cm! this was at 8:30 pm. i was transferred to delivery room, waiting for the baby.

we reached 11:30 pm, baby doesn't descend, and doctor noted that baby's heart rate changed, instead of risking it with a normal delivery, was rushed to emergency cs. baby girl was out by 12:03am, may 08, 2009.
baby was born early, 37 weeks. almost everyone predicted that she'll be big since i have grown to 163lbs. baby weight is 5.11 lbs and 47 cm. we stayed at the hospital for 7 days because of my bp. my feet were still swollen even after giving birth, water retention.

till now i am on maintaining medication for my bp and have a follow up checkup with the cardiologist. i weigh 130 lbs and she weighs 9lbs. delivering a baby may not be what i expected, having her is an exhilarating ride. glad to have my dimpled bundle... eilise caitlin joy

random ramblings

...because I have nothing, err.. I don't want to do anything.

• I am so lazy... what I do when I open my eyes in the morning, stretch and say, "oh, it's morning." Then I close my eyes and snooze for another 2 hours. And when I finally manage to sit up, I lounge around, run the pc, surf the net, open a magazine, look at photos and finally, begin a normal-responsible day.
• Ohh, today is the birthday of my Lola who passed away almost 21 yrs ago. She took care of me until she can, she brought me to school, would wake me up... and oh oh, I remember the first thing I would do when I open my eyes then, I would scream "Lola." I wouldn't move until I hear her say, "Baba na." And won't go down the stairs until I see her. Then I would open the TV and watch "Batibot" and the lounge around scratching my head. Hahaha, I am still doing the same routine. Dang!
• I know this should change and it will be sooner than I might've thought.
• I couldn't use shears, not allowed to thread, oh man, what to do? I really like crafts, be it cross stitching, anything with paper, now I got some clay but not getting the hang of it, use glue, color, paint, but I am limited as of now, so all I do is digital. Oh, I would love to learn how to sew.
• God blessed me so I want to make the best of it.

Like Sugar

I love papers! And lines. I think that even if I do the traditional scrapping, I will end up stamping, doodling, and use papers!

I remember when I was in elementary, I would only buy snack foods for lunch. The saved money and saved lunch time, I all spend at the local bookstore. Ogling at stationaries and cards and notebooks. I think I prefer texture than print. I like simplicity in anything... errr, sometimes that changes, only sometimes.I like notes to be neat. I usually rewrite notes, oh, that means that I am guilty of de-forestation. That leaves me with a question... are paper still produced with cutting down trees?

On New Year's Day

Botanical Garden

...with anticipation

welcome 2009!

Attended the 8:30am mass at Blessed Sacrament and then the rest of the morning was spent at Botanical Garden. Had 300 shots... err, that's because Euge takes photos in burst mode. And most of the photos are not of us... They are of the fish, the turtles, the swans and the flowers. =) Didn't even brought a tripod! So there was great difficulty in having a picture together. Good thing there is the reference object, you know what I mean! A couple minus a tripod plus reference object equals...
Tada!! Two separate pics in one full body shot. =) I will have to wait for the weekend before I can load some more nice pic of our first date for 2009. Need to tuck in at bed early. Have to work tomorrow, you know. My back aches every morning. I feel sore.

And my New Years' resolution remains the same... to try to stop nail biting! Har Har Har!

And there's always room for extra love.