hope to print these out...

~*~mint and taro;sp promise collection;flytrap sample;flowers001;choice spring~*~


My attempt on multiple pics. =) With the first two layouts of euge and me, hope to get these printed out, else they stay in the hard drive. I had this huge temptation to add captions on the telenovela layout, like: sheila tweetums, elaine bane (as in kulot salot =) ) but dropped the idea.

oh no! monday is coming

if i were monday, i'd always wonder why almost everyone dread me. =) is it because of the waking time? or because of the work that was left pending last week is about to catch up again? and maybe because four more days after me means stress and deadlines? absolutely right!

again, my weekend is not enough for me. friday night was fun. had geri's bday dinner at lau pah sat. then hopped to hardrock cafe. well, it was my first time for any hardrock cafe and it's been years since i've been in a bar. oops, my mistake, i remember going to the arena just last feb. =) went home at 2 am, woke up 9am, saturday. all day saturday i spent my time infront of the pc, doing what i love to do with pics, then my head started to throb so i slept it off till 6pm. at 9pm we went to borders along orcahrd road to buy euge's book. and whatelse did we have... 3 pc games. and i had my things for my new regimen. =( spender. and then sunday, woke up 10 am, too late for the morning mass so we went to the market instead. manicure and pedicure d.i.y. and then, late mass for us. as a signal for our manic weekdays, i had to iron, euge had to finish the laundry.

and i still feel that i have missed to do some more of my stuff this weekend. my re-reading of harry potter 6 hasn't progressed. i haven't had any time to write... blah blah blah

goodnight anyways.

+ layout

lupang hinirang

This is not a late post for Philippine Independence Day. I am just overwhelmed and sadenned. This morning, I have received an email from Geri, in it was an article from an Arab magazine. The world without Filipinos. It was an article of how many overseas Filipinos work and contribute in different fields. The article even commended Philippine education. But then again, I heard the news about the ill-fated MV Princess an all those missing passengers after the vessel capsized during typhoon FengShen. But I have great pride in being a Filipino. With all the test of time, calamities, economic struggle, political chaos, we remain fighting and standing tall.

lost

Heavy clouds loomed above me. I fell more alone seeing the gloomy sky... You're gone... You felw to someone else's arm.

I love you. I have fallen for you... your ways. When you talk and tell me things, even the littlest things are treasured, simple tings that grew big insde me. The memories of the smile and the laughter we have shared heal my pain. When you look at me... I feel already loved. But not anymore...

Now that you've intriduced me to your girl, Maita. Now it's not just the two of us, she now walks with us. I don't like it. I know you more than she does, but she walks closer with you. I know you longer but she holds your hand. I know I love you more but she owns you. I feel my chest getting heavy, I feel like crying for the nth time, but I most hold my tears.

Looking away... I asked myself... why did you search far? I was always with you. For a year, you sat beside me at class, dine with me, called me up and said anything... anything, even if they don't really matter. Every little things you gave me... the candy wrappingof the gum you gave me, the toothpaste sachet, and with the rest of the memorabilia hidden on the box you gave me were our pictures as buddies.

I thought you like me too... don't you? I felt it, when we danced at the parties we attended, when you wrap your arms around my shoulder when a guy gets near me, and when you walked me to the door when you took me home, and you even tried to... oh, was that it? Did I scare you away? Did I send the wrong signal? When I moved away and just shook your hand and said, "thank you, its nice having you around," instead of pulling you closer and kissing you goodnight.

Rain fell... I feel cold... I pulled my coat tighter... a tear fell. Maybe I messed that magical moment. I should've shown what I am feeling. I should've been sweet, I should've moved closer to you that night. Can't that be experienced again? I lost you... I lost you...

I looked down on a pool of water and wished that Chris loves me too. I looked up and said goodbye to the pair beside me, her face was beaming... Chris' was wet with rain.

While inside the bus, I keep telling myself that if Maita would go, I'd still be here, loving my man... but what if she stayed long... and what if someone fills me?

in May

One hot May afternoon, I lay on my bed, thinking of the things that passed, and wondered for the things that might come...

It was during the most productive days that she has come to meet someone nice and wonderful. She saw him everyday, as he purchased CDs on the music store she was working in. The first time she saw him, he stepped out of his car and lost mindedly came in. She asked him what specific CD he was looking for, he stared at her, face blank. He said he's still thinking, nothing specific yet. So she went to ask another customer. When she was near the cash register, she had a better view of him, he was not really tall, not too cute but cute. Maybe it was imagination, but she saw him smile, so she smiled back. He walked towards her but not to ask for her name, he just handed her his CD. She tolf him that she would wrap the CD for him, so she wrapped the CD. The following day, she saw him again, she was surprised to see him walking up at her. She asked her if she could help him pick, so she did. As he paid for the second CD, she wrapped the CD for him again. He thanked her. As a reply she looked at him and smiled, she was staring directly at his eyes, they were so intense, he was staring... at her? Then he smiled and said goodbye. Everyday was like the first, he stepped inside the store, bought a CD and she wrapped them again and again, she wrapped them just for him. She wrapped all the CDs he bought, all just for him.

I know he was occupying most of her thoughts, but what were his thoughts, they were never clear. Until came the day, alas, he asked her her name. And he asked her out, but she refused, she has things scheduled to do, but as appreciation, she said she'll give him a call when she'd have the time. But I know inside she is dying to go out with him, spend some time with him, some real good time.

After three days of not seeing him at the store she called him, she gave him a call because... she missed him. His mother picked up the call and she was surprised to hear a girl looking for her son Ryan, all she could reply was a muffled cry. The mom told her that Ryan passed away sooner than what the doctor adviced. She gave excuses for every night of the wake, she said she cannot come. As she put the phone down, she closed her eyes and tears rolled... she thought...

But I was at the burial, it was the early days of May. I saw him, I saw my friend, it made me cry. His mother brought all the CDs he started collecting for a short period. The CDs all wrapped just for him. She wrapped them all just for him. I waited until the other mourners left. I came to his mothe rand asked for a CD, she handed me one. I tore the wrap carefully, careful not to tamper with the memories of it all because I wrapped the CD just for him. A small paper fell, I picked it up and handed it to his mother, it read:

Hi I think you are really cute. I hope to see you again and hope to be friends with you.

His mother wept. She said that if son just opened the wrapped CD. If he just opened it. I shook my head and said that if he only opened at least one of the numerous CDs. His mother opened another and found another little note. As she read the note, I said goodbye to her. And said silent goodbyes to my friend too.

Sad. If he just told me. Or is it if I just told him? I shouldn't have held myself back. Held myself back from liking him. Like those wrapped CDs, if I just opened myself to knowing him more, we wouldn't have wasted time.

I have a precious lesson learned. If you are inlove, say it to the lucky one. They are lucky for real love doesn't come easy. For it is music to the ears... a melody in the heart. Take time, yes, but don't take too long. For love might pass you by, pass you by and miss your time. Love is not love unless expressed. It is selfish love if you just keep it inside you, keep it inside until it fades, and it aches most of the time. It is ideal love if it is appreciated and returned. You are an ideal person if you give unconditional love to someone, a love without the expectations of an immediate reward. It is important to wait for your right time but never waste precious time. And if still waiting, it pays to keep in mind that a better gift is given and unwrapped at the peak of our lives.

one week

It's been one week... a week. I've been lookin' at my best bud in a different way now.

My best bud, Chris. I've known him since I've learned the true meaning of friendship. It was during the young worry- free years. Well, it wasn't really the young years. We were both in fifth grade, he was 11, and I was a year younger. With two more we formed our barkada. I've got plenty of good memories with them and still counting. I remembered when we used to play that game... a game I'd love to play again now! Rules of the game were plain and simple, when you're it you'd be blindfolded and you'd go huntin' and you'd guess who your prey was. Ha ha... I loved that game. He once pulled my feet when I ducked under the bed, I was his favorite victim. And when it is my turn to be it, he'd block my way with pillows, I'd fall but he'd help me up. I knew he'd help. It felt good. Another memorable moment was when he told me a joke, a green joke. Geesh, that was the first green joke ever said to me. We visited each other's home, eat in a fancy restaurant with still low prices of course. We travel together, home- school travellin' that is. Do this and that... everyday was a dream.

I never wanted this... With our friendship, I never dreamt of something more. I guess it's typical for a teen to fall for someone wonderful. As wonderful as Chris, dark hair, round brown eyes, thick lashes, positive attitude, all under the structure of a slender physique enveloped in pale skin. But it's hard to fall for a friend. I felt like, like I can't be trusted, I felt bad, I felt uneasy.

Each day, when we talk, I wanted more. I wanted to tell him, but I can't and I musn't. Whenever his hand brushes mine... each day heartbeats were goin' off the scale.

On his nineteenth birthday, last week, everything changed. We went out, his treat. He danced with me. But there was this girl he flirtatiously chatted with. Pretty, smart-lookin babe, disco girl. I felt pain. I wanted to snatch him back to me. But I cannot show it, I got no right. All I could do was watch them... watch them dance... the way we dance...

After the nightout, we stayed at their home at San Francisco Street. We had a lot of fun, we got drunk, now that's how we define fun! I felt that that was the right time. With Faye and Celeste soundly asleep, he asked me to go out ans walk. So we did, I kept thinking there could really be no better time. I must give it a shot... And, and compete with the disco girl. I promised myself- I'll try. I'll try tonight...

We walked around the block, shared jokes, laughed loud, and ran when a little dog barked at us and tried to chase us. We fell down the front lawn of his home, gasping for air. That was the time I waited for. It was a do-or-die situation for me.

I sat up, took the deepest breath I ever took in my entire eighteen years, and blurted out my feelings, the undying passion in me, the emotions I can no longer hide, the feeling that makes me feel alive, the same feeling that kills me... the only magic I believe in... He just smiled. And said he treasures me dearly as a friend. A friend! Awww! Ouch big time!!! That disco babe won him over. I couldn't believe it. I was about to get mad when I heard him say that he is sorry for both of us. Huh? He confessed that he prefers the ever-after story of Pretty Woman, that he likes pink the way I do, that he prefers a Julia Roberts flick than Sean Connery's, and that I would look better if I would wear a shade of...

Shock, stunned, bewildered, wild- eyed, I slumped back down, tears spilled, I didn't hear the rest of the things he said... oh... oh... Then I saw his angel face, half concerned, and the other half, ashamed. I felt pity, but I musn't. So I stood up and said that he was right. I should let the feeling die and at least we have a lasting friendship. I tried to lift his spirit. I sang our song... souls in the wind must learn how to bend see how the stars hold on till the end... and he sang with me as we went inside to catch some sleep.

Its been a week. And it hurts. I still love him as much as I did before and it's still growing. I care for him. And I would still, though it may take sometime, I would wait for him to be the man of my dreams. And if I ever grew tired of waiting, I might fall for another, but I'd still love him. I can't change him. I can't make him. All I could do now is to hope, pray , wishinng, and keep on hanging tha the power of love may change. It might not be through my magic, who knows, he'd be a man in the touch of a better femme, maybe that disco girl.